We're Smart, We're Smart... Woops, Now We're Stupid

If our intelligence increases in small groups, at what point does it decrease as the group enlarges?

If one person can make a difference, and two people can collaborate even better than one… If a few people can inspire and encourage one another to figure out how to move mountains… at what point do the numbers turn against us? At what point does an intelligent, sensitive group of people become a group of mob mentality causing chaos, destruction and grief?

When I worked one summer in a national park in Maine, I learned a bit about vacation mentality. Not the kind of vacation mentality I prefer that has to do with rest, relaxation and renewed inspiration… but the kind that causes seemingly good people to think they are not accountable for their actions because they are away from home or are in some way disguised. These actions continuously included being slobs, being rude, being clueless and not caring that their negligence was doing harm.

But there are worse things that a large group can do than trash their environment, disrespect their neighbors and play stupid. They can make someone innocent pay with their life.

It’s probably not that everyone in a large group is going to lose all sense of decency, but some do. And some instigate it. Others, are just swept up in the current, trying to get out as an undertow of mindless, reckless human behavior nearly obliterates their own will.

I’ve been in large groups where someone from the back begins pushing. A few more join in. And the rest are stuck, forced – just by presence and lack of opening for escape – to add to the mass of the movement. It’s a frightening feeling, but I’ve obviously escaped from these situations. Sometimes, however, there are casualties. Like those trampled to death last week in a Walmart Black Friday sale.

In the end, would anyone in the group admit to pushing? Of course not. The instigators are selfish beings refusing to ever acknowledge the consequences of their actions. But they’re also cowards… hiding within the darkness of a large group.

But again I ask: At what point does a good group become a bad one? The point at which one bad guy begins a chain reaction, coercing those on the fence to join him… while the rest are overpowered by the brute force.

Some people try to compensate for a lack of control in their lives by exerting control over others. And there are certain circumstances where they manage to succeed. I don’t know what the solution is, since we’re talking about a psychological abnormality that afflicts countless people. But I can tell you one thing: After having my own mob-mentality experiences, I’m no longer comfortable in confining crowds, and so I steer clear for my own health. But in not adding to the mass of the chaos, I might be introducing an ounce of prevention that could make all the difference in the world regarding how far and hard that group swings.

Fairytales - Do They Come True?

I take a break from staring at my computer and look out the large window behind me. I see rain falling high above like mist on the horizon and hoards of birds flying east(?). I want to follow them, but instead allow the Princess in me to come out and be heard for a short while.

Quite familiar with one another but short on time, we cut to the chase. She says she doesn’t understand why we have to work so hard and so much just to live. “Because it leaves so little time for the actual living...” she says matter-of-factly, swinging casually on her hammock in the sunshine, one bare foot touching the grass.

I have to say, I see her point.

She continues, saying she isn’t afraid of putting forth great effort every day to live. But that the reliance on money in return stops her from really, fully reaching for her dream. It’s a conundrum even she faces, for which comes first - Creating the dream by living it, living it after visualizing it, or waiting for the money/security to buy it outright?

Does it depend on one’s preference or one’s circumstances in life?
Does it depend on how much we want it?
Is it chance, destiny or our own design sketches that shapes our lives?

The Princess doesn’t care. She simply wants to step out of her business attire, into a fairytale dress for good, and into the life she’s writing for herself.

{Artwork: Sacramento Artist Rachel Miller, www.raestar.com}

Holiday Sense & Spirit

The sun has just set over the westward mountains; the sky above the ridge a buttery yellow. The wind is blowing all the dried leaves off the trees, raining down onto our recently landscaped yard... Given the article I wrote earlier for my other blog column, there's no way I can complain about that now.

It's just Murphy's Law.

Anyhow, I have no desire to rant tonight, being just tired enough to appreciate the roof over my head and hot bath awaiting.

The crispness of this autumn evening mixed with the fullness of my week makes me simply want to stay in, get kitten cozy and make it last as long as I can. The holidays are coming. That means many things, including the fact that we should all get some rest before the madness consumes us.

I love the excitement of the holidays, but I like the serenity even more. Large packages are fun to ponder, but small ones usually hold magical surprises. Parties are festive but small gatherings are more intimate. Malls are full of stimulation and choices but shopping online with a glass of champagne in hand... now that's what I call the Christmas spirit.

It's different for each of us - the holidays we celebrate, our beliefs behind them, how we honor them, and with whom we spend them - But there's undoubtedly something special about this time of year; it's in the air and every whisper of mother nature... I hear it clearest when not over-extending myself and when being true to what it all means to me.

Ah, Friendship!

Sometimes it takes just one good friend to know what you’re going through, to bother to understand, and to help you not feel so lost.

Sometimes we need just one person to talk things through with, with care and gentleness.

Sometimes all it takes is that one person who somehow, inexplicably, knows you. No barriers, no judgment, no fear, no matter what.

If you, too, know this to be true, reach out and touch someone. You'll be glad you found the time, because you will gain so much more than that in return.

Trash Talkin'

There’s a microwave sitting halfway in the bushes of the alley behind where I work. A few feet from that is a lone rubber glove, and not far from that, a plastic Rite Aid bag… But I think I could have stopped at the microwave to make my point.

Each and every day, each and every one of us consumes things of all kinds. Then we toss away the wrappers and packages, the containers and waste, the dirty water and unwanted food. We wipe it up with paper towels, put it in plastic bags, flush it down the toilet or mash it down the drain. We inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide, which is the byproduct of what we've consumed.

Many of us cut down trees because they’re in our way or are shedding too many annoying leaves. We ignore millions of animals in shelters and fork out hundreds, even thousands of dollars for one bred-just-for-us pooch instead. We give unwanted things away by the truckload unless that’s too inconvenient, in which case we toss them in the nearest dumpster.

Many apartment complexes (and perhaps neighborhoods) don’t have or participate in a recycling program. Very few people know what composting is, and many who learn, find it too disgusting to try. Some would never even consider buying something used - ew.

As the holidays near, imagine the merely month-old trees tossed to the curb, the garbage cans full of wrapping paper, boxes and leftover food. Imagine our regular garbage on top of that. And all the things we simply no longer want.

Where does it all go? And what happens when it gets there?

Imagine all of our unwanted stuff (i.e. trash) piling up and mixing with everyone else’s unwanted stuff… It cannot be breeding anything good. I think one day, the mutant garbage monsters will come out from where we’ve shoved them and consume us in return.

The leaves are finally turning here on the west coast, and yet our days are mild and bright; the full moon at night commanding our attention from the crisp and dark sky above. It is so quiet here today that the incessant ticking of the clock on the wall feels like noise pollution. The house is still and I'm straining to notice some long-coming epiphany... But all I really feel is humble and open to the time and space in which I dwell.

And then there's a little something stirring within... a subtle life-giving kick of gratitude rising in my gut... although I'm not certain why or for what.

Anyway, I'm thinking today of a commericial I saw last night with Jerry Seinfeld, Ellen DeGeneres, Robert DeNiro and influential others in it. I forget the product for sale, but the sentiment is staying with me: What is your role in this life? What are you here for? Do you recognize it and are you being true to it?

It's not always so easy for us to pinpoint; we're so often looking beyond the box we've built for ourselves.

I write about what it's like to live - ordinary and extra-ordinary moments that we don't usually stop to capture. Like friendly flittering butterflies that pass by - I follow them to see where they might lead or what their journey may have to show me.

Am I following my purpose and potential as well, and simply don't fully realize it? Or will it all become crystal clear to me when looking back upon my life?

My job was to...
magnify the moment?
illuminate life?
reveal the magic?
Nothing seems succint enough.

Yes, I am a writer. But I am more than that. There is simply no job title multi-faceted enough to define me. I think I would feel ease and relief in labeling myself and my life... and yet, if I have to force it, it must not be true or encompassing enough.

So I sit, with few barriers and walls, vulnerable and a little hesitant... but open nonetheless.

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Is there really ever such a thing as too much fun?
In theory, one might think, 'No Way!'

But in real life, when dealing with such consequences as, say, a hangover... one might beg to differ.


On a more significant note, I do have some deeper current thoughts running through my brain; they'e just being published elsewhere - http://luminousminds.today.com -
I certainly don't intend to neglect this blog, but I get paid for the other one. 'nuf said?

The Always-Swinging Pendulum

First there's too much unknown, and then there's too much nothingness, and then suddently comes a little too much change for comfort... It's so funny how our lives mimic rollercoasters - from the mundane waiting in line through the momentum-gathering, and up into the loops, all the way to the peaks of thrill.

Why isn't there more of the middle ground stuff? Or is there? And we're just too busy looking back, ahead, up or down to notice?

How Do You Love?

"Real love is selfless and free from fear. When you love from a place of freedom, you feel pure un-resisted appreciation towards the person. True love is unconditional without demand for return. Its joy is in the joy of giving. Love is the strongest magnetic force in the universe. Pure, unselfish love draws to itself its own. It doesn't need to seek or demand. Almost none has the faintest idea of real love. People are selfish, harmful or fearful in their affections, thereby losing the thing they love."

Today, all I can do is think about this...

Does She Ever Stop?

Do I wish I could sometimes just stop thinking? Do I ever wish I didn't feel this incessant need to point things out? Of course... Sometimes I wish I were a painter instead, so I could show you the essence of what I'm thinking and feeling without having to literally spell it out. Or maybe a dancer so the expression of my movements might move you in return. Or - heaven forbid - not feel the need to express myself at all...

ha ha ha

Ok, sure, sometimes I do clam up. But most don't get to see that side of me. And seems this one avenue is to be my fate in life. So instead of grumbling about it, I'm just going to embrace and immerse in it. Because if it is in any way true that "Love denied blights the very soul we owe to God", I think denying our gifts might do the same.

That said, if you enjoy opening the portals of your mind with me, I have another regular (albeit generic) blog going: http://luminousminds.today.com/
They're all pretty short entries.

Have a Great Weekend Everyone!!

Ah, the 'M' Word

When my nephew was turning 10, I asked my brother what he thought his son might want. Being a 5-hour plane ride away from them, I figured something that fit in an envelope would be especially easy for me to have delivered in a timely manner. But what Gary said to me has stayed with me ever since:

“Julian is not motivated by money.”

I think about this occasionally when pondering what does and does not motivate me. And the bottom line – as much as I love and appreciate money – is that money has never been a sole motivator for me. In fact, it’s probably not even in the top two. Because what really motivates me is:

a) loving what I do daily
b) having the freedom in which to do so
c) knowing that people appreciate it
and finally,
d) being monetarily compensated

Of course, we all need money to survive and thrive through this life. And to a certain extent, I understand the ‘more is better’ mentality. But money for the sake of itself? eh. You couldn’t get me to sell my soul for fame or fortune, no matter how supposedly great. You also couldn’t get me to give up 40 or so hours a week doing something I dislike (or am even ambivalent about) just to relish in the big green that comes my way every two weeks.

Because while that money might be able to buy me things that will make my life easier, it won’t necessarily make it more enriching. And it certainly won’t buy me the time in which to appreciate all that money. So I’ll then have to spend my money on things that make my life easier in order to enjoy the time off that I do have. And I'll have to keep working just as long and hard in order to afford that which allows me to work so long and hard.

This kind of busyness is just not my cup of tea, no matter how often I've tried to make it so. I like to be productive, but even more so, I love to be efficient, so that I have more time to enjoy all the juicy little tidbits life has to offer daily.

It seems just a matter of preference. (And perhaps philosophy - I like the "work smarter, not harder" kind). And yet motivation is key. Because while, sure I would prefer to make truckloads of money, that alone won’t motivate me for long enough. What I guess I prefer more is making the most of my minutes, my way. And while that doesn’t always “pay” off in the tangible way our society seems to value so much, the simple act of doing what I desire delivers different kinds of rewards… the kinds that seem to keep me always coming back for more.

I think we are always drawn (and re-drawn) to what we truly love the most. Hopefully it loves us back enough to make for a healthy sort of relationship.

Are Older People More Fun?

When I was in my mid to late twenties, I started experiencing an odd phenomonon: My parents were becoming more fun than my friends.

While I was always able to hang with the adults growing up - enjoying their witty banter and intelligent conversation - there was, to me, also nothing like like-minded peers interested in fun of all kinds.

So fun of all kinds I had whenever and wherever possible.

But even in high school there were times when I wondered if I made the wrong decision - choosing, say, a weekend in Tahoe with my friends vs. a weekend boating with my parents and their friends.

Then sometime in my twenties - once the really wild stuff began subsiding - my friends and I began growing apart a bit; boyfriends, marriages, families, work and such all began getting in the way of our spontaneous fun. And the things I liked to do most - go camping, wine tasting, take day trips, dinner and a movie, etc. - began to get lost in the distance building between young friends and their changing lives.

But as one door may close, there are often plenty of windows to open and peer through. And all those things I loved to do... I realized I was instead experiencing with my parents.

These days, while some old friends will always be friends (no matter the distance or difference between us) and some new friends will appear, bringing to my life some of what's been missing... I stand more than ever before, in the middle of my life, and between generations wondering: Are the older adults still more fun?

My same-age boyfriend and I attended 2 parties on Halloween: One, an older crowd with live music and dancing. And two, a younger crowd with background music and $2 bud lights. Each party had its own flair, and Tom and I had a good time at both. But in looking back at that 'come-as-your-alter-ego' night, I am a little surprised to say the older crowd was a heckuva lot more fun.

For one, they're just friendlier. They're also more easygoing. They have no apparent attitude, need to impress or desire to start a fight. They didn't really know us, but they noticed our presence and even engaged in (gasp) random acts of conversation. I felt welcomed there. Not to mention, their spirit seemed true: They all dressed up and danced the night away.

The other party? Well, it was somewhere we've been before many times; It's a nice place with the crowd tending to be a little younger. But we hardly ever meet anyone or discover anyone desiring any engagement outside of their own clique. And Halloween night was no different.

Is this just a matter of differences in generations? Tom thinks mostly so. Ours was the last generation to play outside as kids, to not have email, cel phones and the internet in which to communicate primarily through. So I guess it makes sense, that when we're seeking to make connections, it would be easier doing so with those who came before us, rather than after. And this is probably nothing new. Each generation has had its own challenges, and it has its own unique contributions to society as well.

But from where I stand - at the beginning of the middle - some folks know how to have more fun than others. And if I'm showing my age, well, I guess I'd rather get older because, frankly, I think that's where the kind of 'fun' I'm craving more likely resides.